She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
