I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
