oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
