me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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