I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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