toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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