I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
