You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
