me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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