To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
handjob tips. give me some.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
