Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
