why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
