Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
