Yo dont text me then not text me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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