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i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
