Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
