I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
