Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
