The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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