we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
