She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
