I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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