I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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