she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize