nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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