I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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