I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my liver is dry heaving
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
