sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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