The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so let's talk penis.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
