He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
