the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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