I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Vodka?
Forever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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