I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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