dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
