we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ass is underappreciated
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
