I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize