I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
