The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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