at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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