why didn't you poke me back
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
