i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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