I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
