What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
