I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
