Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize