If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize