I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the liver wants what the liver wants
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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