I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
