I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
