I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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