Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
