I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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