yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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