he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
