allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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