You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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