Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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