Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
