I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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