A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
