I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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